Absolutely Made-Up Stats
Because real numbers are for boring people
0
IQ Points Above Altcoins
0
Times "Better" Than Others
0
Power Level
0
% Chance of Moon
Why Bitcoin is the Ultimate Chad
Scientifically proven reasons why BTC is just built different
Original Gangster
Been around since 2009, making all other cryptos basically toddlers in comparison. Respect your elders, kids!
Diamond Hands DNA
Survived more "deaths" than a video game boss. Currently at death count: 467 and still going strong.
Big Brain Energy
Created by the mysterious Satoshi who vanished like a legend. Meanwhile, other coins have CEOs who tweet too much.
Moon Mission Captain
The only crypto that's actually been to the moon. Others are still asking for directions to the launchpad.
Altcoin Reality Check
How other cryptos see themselves vs. reality
Ethereum
"I'm the world computer!" 🤓
Reality: Expensive calculator that sometimes works
Dogecoin
"Much currency, very future!" 🐕
Reality: Meme that accidentally became money
Random Altcoin #247
"We'll revolutionize everything!" 🌈
Reality: Will be forgotten by next Tuesday
Bitcoin vs Everyone Else
When market crashes:
Altcoins: "We're all gonna die!" 😱
Bitcoin: "First time?" 😎
When someone says crypto is dead:
Altcoins: Panic selling 📉
Bitcoin: "I've died 467 times already" 💀
When new "Bitcoin killer" launches:
New coin: "I'm the chosen one!" ⚡
Bitcoin: "Get in line, kiddo" 👴
When institutions buy crypto:
Altcoins: "Pick me! Pick me!" 🙋♂️
Bitcoin: *Gets picked every time* 👑
"I tried to kill Bitcoin once. It didn't work. Now I just buy more."
— Every Government, Eventually
Chad Bitcoin Facts
Bitcoin doesn't need marketing. It IS the marketing.
When Bitcoin sneezes, the entire crypto market catches pneumonia.
Bitcoin has been #1 for so long, it forgot what #2 looks like.
Bitcoin holders don't have diamond hands. They ARE the diamonds.